Magic zoo
This morning, bright and early, with the sun shining and everybody in a great mood, Tiffany and I started talking about taking Sarah and Silas to the Magic House. For people in their thirties who grew...
View ArticleFree vacuum!
I spotted a seed spreader garden implement emblazoned with the brand name "Viagara." One letter off from Viagra, and it made me wonder if anyone's ever misspelled the name of the popular ED treatment...
View ArticleBeards, beards, beards
On Saturday, April 2, I go onstage at some place called Pop's Blue Moon. I plan to call up there first and ask a few questions. How big is this place? Where is their show area? Are there ample fire...
View ArticleSt. Pat’s: A study in contrast
3/17/05 – At mid-day, asked by bar management to leave outdoor party area for losing balance in a Johnny on the Spot and stumbling backward still pissing, in full sight of children. (Legend has it. In...
View ArticleKids: Asset or liability?
I read an article on Time.com today about an academic study that, in essence, concluded that people who claim they’re happier with kids than they’d be without kids are mothereffin’ liars. These parents...
View ArticleObituary: Carlos O’Kelly’s in Springfield
The GM got the phone call on Saturday night: "Call all your employees bright and early Monday morning and tell them they no longer have jobs. Some trucks will be by soon to move your food inventory and...
View ArticleSeven kids, one house, one Saturday
The second orange is quickly devoured by all kids. I have one apple. It gets devoured. They start asking about the peppers. What are those? What do they taste like? Are they sweet? I remember I've...
View ArticleJT, iCarly, Overboard, Patience
This little girl, who's 6, has come across as bashful over almost four years' worth of holiday gatherings. Tonight, she wants to talk. Specifically, she wants to talk about why "iCarly" is the funniest...
View ArticleGoodbye, farewell and amen
Let’s recap: I start this blog in September. In January, I pledge to post 365 entries in 2011. In February, I realize that goal is unsustainable. In April, I decide to discontinue this blog. This will...
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